I know I shouldn’t, but I’m hooked. I really am. X Factor is my weekly indulgence and I don’t apologise for it one bit.

What spoils it for me however, is the British public who take it so seriously. You only have to listen to the calls on ITV2’s The Extra Factor to realise that the country has gone completely barmy. One viewer on Sunday evening berated Simon Cowell so much I began to wonder whether he had, in fact, strangled her favourite goldfish. “It’s disgusting what you did,” she bawled, referring to his decision to go to deadlock two weeks ago. “I’ll never forgive you Simon.”

Alright love, we’re all tired. Jeez.

Whether or not the judges find another star like Leona Lewis is, actually, irrelevant.

What that caller and I am sure many other viewers just don’t seem to grasp, is that X Factor is a television show, before anything else. It’s en-ter-tain-ment. Whether or not the judges find another star like Leona Lewis is, actually, irrelevant. Ratings are what count, and in order to make good telly, producers need to find a mix of ‘talent’ with a  twist of ‘wacky’ thrown in for good measure. Jedward are living proof that this format works. It divides the nation, pulls in the viewers and people vote in their droves. K-ching.

The point is, Jedward were never going to win. But the cheeky Irish chappies had just enough ‘off the wall’ appeal to keep them in the competition. When Simon Cowell made that decision to go to deadlock, he was sat with his TV Executive hat on, rubbing his hands together with glee. And rightly so. No disrespect to Lucy, yes she was talented, but come on – she was nothing special. That is why the public didn’t vote for her and why she really wouldn’t have had any sniff of the final.

With the current state of ITV (and trust me, it’s never seen such dire revenue) ratings are vital to attract advertisers. Why shouldn’t Simon play God to get the nation in a frenzy? Oh yes, because the viewers would boycott the show the following week. As I predicted at the time though, the following X Factor show had its biggest ratings pull ever – so someone watched.

Last night, the lovely Dannii Minogue seized her opportunity to make a point when it was left to her to decide between Olly and the twins. Her point was that the show is a ‘singing competition’ and based on that there could be only one verdict. Jedward should go. I agree, it was time. Of course it was. They have served their purpose perfectly, and you can’t dispute that. After all, the show has gripped you, even if the twins have irritated.

Look, you wouldn’t want a series of X Factor that was bland – God forbid we ever repeat the year that Scottish boy won. Name one act on that series? I can’t even recall his name. It might have begun with a ‘D’…

They played the game and enjoyed their fifteen minutes of fame so much that they’ll probably be employed for some time to come

Whatever your opinion, you have to admire John and Edward for being such good sports. They’re not as stupid as they look those boys. They freely admitted themselves they couldn’t sing and really shouldn’t have been there, but they played the game and enjoyed their fifteen minutes of fame so much that they’ll probably be employed for some time to come, whatever that may be. But I’m sure they don’t care much what they’re offered, they’re young and it’s all part of their wacky journey. If they make a few bob along the way, and it’s entirely possible they could become millionaires, good luck to them.

So with Jedward gone, the big cheese Simon Cowell can now get back to wearing his beloved ‘Record Producer’ trilby which he likes to don most of the time – of course with an extra dizzion dollars in the bank thank you very much. Knowing when to change his hat is what makes Simon the most successful man in the business.

So I urge you people. For the rest of the series, learn to enjoy the X Factor for what it is. Fun, exciting, light entertainment. Nobody is going to die. Except perhaps the goldfish.